…you need grace more than love in a relationship
Nollywood upcoming actress, Betta Kenneth an indigene of Imo State, said that her dreams of becoming an actress started while she was a little girl, she derives pleasure in writing short stories and composing music lyrics, she has succeeded in wrapping up about three movies while others are still going through their gestation periods, under the auspices of Gemstone Production Academy with Sammie sitting atop directing the affairs of the academy.
Apparently in her early thirties now, she had an early relationship that she thought will go down well, it started while she was in the Senior Secondary Class 1, with Mr Lover-man (Erasmus Agu) who was already studying at Babcock University then, and she vowed she was going to keep herself for him.
After her secondary school education she got admission to study Human Resource Management at one of the Ghanaian Universities called Sikkim Manipal University in Accra Ghana, in 2015 while she was on vacation to Nigeria, Mr lover-man who is also from Imo State acted as the chauffeur, he took her right from the car park straight to the bosom of her parents, while at home she noticed Mr loverman’s infringements; discussing with her parents concerning her. The discussion did not get down with her mother, the mother queried if she truly wants to spend the rest of her life with Mr lover-man, but then she was in love and couldn’t detect the deceiver lurking, she told her mother that, he is the preferred one among the various suitors jostling for her hand in marriage, according to her it was a stupid mistake she wouldn’t want her enemy to make, she shared the long and short of the soured relationship with Creekvibes OLUWADAMILARE DANIELS.
According to her on her first visit to his apartment, he forcefully made love to her while she was almost rounding up her menstrual cycle and she swore never to visit him again.
Although she wasn’t really into men, the forceful penetration caused her unusual bleeding.
Delighted Mr lover-man, excitedly bought a bottle of wine to appreciate her parents to have nurtured her in such a decent manner with a mindset of having an un-deflowered young lady.
After the vacation, she noticed immune changes and had to visit the clinic to undergo some tests, and she tested positive for a pregnancy test.
At that point she was confused and had to put a call through to the culprit to inform him of what his action had snowballed into, he pleaded and promised he is ready to shoulder the responsibility to take her in.
There was a rage of anger in her family house, her dad was furious he told her to quit schooling to have the child before going further, after another series of tests she discovered she was carrying a twin, a boy and a girl.
Her education was stopped abruptly and had to retire to Mr Lover-man’s apartment after, the supposed hubby did the knocking and a kind of introduction but did not go further to pay the bride price, two years into the love affair the rhythms were unpleasant, violent became usual occurrence within the apartment.
According to the tricenarian, he made her wash the toilet the day she came back from the hospital undermining the fact that she had gone through a Caesarian Session to have his kids with pains under her lower abdomen.
While the maltreatment lingers Mr lover-man started keeping up late nights; not coming home after two days, and he extended it to one week thereafter, he stop dropping money for upkeep.
He carried out his sexual responsibility violently not giving a hoot about the passion and who is being hurt.
The relationship became an abusive one but, she thought it will get better until she took in for the third child and she gave birth to a baby girl.
The thespian took a few questions from OLUWADAMILARE DANIELS.
Were you in the business of constantly using abusive words on your spouse?
No, his attitude boils down to I have someone with a ‘sweeter honey pot’ that makes yours no more interesting, do you get my point?
At what point did you notice the fragments?
I discovered whenever I am out to a movie location he brings his girl friend (Manny), and she comes like she is going into her apartment.
When you discovered that what did you do?
Initially, I thought I could curb his excessive with prayers but it wasn’t working, even the landlord was angry with him because occasionally he beats me and sometimes make use of a weapon, so I decided to leave the apartment.
Did you report him to the authority or any NGO in charge of domestic violence against women?
I did not because he did not marry me officially.
Don’t you think, the fact that you guys are leaving together makes him your man, and that gives you the right to report him to either his family your family or the appropriate authorities?
He called my father to come and pack me out of his apartment or else he will kill me.
What if he comes for his children?
Traditionally he has no right because he did not pay my bride price, biologically he is their father but traditionally he is not.
Even at that, they go by his surname name.
I know, in my place if you want the woman you must pay the dowry that is only when you can lay claims to the children.
Had it been he drops the usual upkeep and pays school fees it would have been a different ball game but, this is a case of total abandonment.
Don’t you think he will come after 10 years and request to have custody of his children?
Let me tell you this part, he called his children and told them that he is their uncle and that their father is dead.
Although, he is staging a comeback but not through the proper channel, I expected him to go through my father because he insulted him.
Which part of the country is he from?
He is from Imo State.
My children are growing up with the idea that their father is dead.
Do you have any idea how he is coping with his side chic?
She became pregnant.
He went to live with her, immediately after I and my kids vacated his apartment, the house rent expired and he did not renew, even the landlord too did not want him to renew the rent because he beats me almost every time; people got talking about us and all that, for the landlord it is more or less like leaving my apartment before you kill someone here.
So what has become the lot of the pregnant side chic?
She gave birth to a baby boy and she is currently facing what I faced. I heard that on one of their physical combats he mistakenly stabbed his son while trying to stab his side chic, so the little boy had to go through surgery.
Not quite long (Oge Manny) the side chic sent me a lengthy note of apology telling me that she has seen what I saw and that I should please forgive her.
She even said after she gave birth, the man left her to cater for the child alone. She has forgotten that I had called her earlier and told her that, the man living with her has a woman and three kids at home, and she should please let go of him.
Presently now on what level are they?
They are living apart.
He called me a few days ago telling me he wants to see me, but to be candid I wouldn’t want to go back to him, he has lost it.
What is your advice to the singles out there?
My dear, you marry you no marry, no one better o, it is all by the grace of God unless you meet your rightful match.
You need grace more than love, like my dad use to say ‘Love counts no error.’
If you love me you won’t complain about the way I sleep, eat or walk, c’mmon. Sitting here to share my experience by His grace I almost lost my life.
There was a day the father of my children came home bleeding and I received a call from his side chic telling me that she stabbed him and I should tell him not to visit her again. They both operate on the same violent frequencies.