Common And Futuristic Interests In Marriage

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3)
There is no area of human endeavor where this statement is more relevant than in marriage. It is therefore paramount that before any marriage is contracted, since it is a life time relationship, those who are going into it should sit down and together chart a common course. Talking about issues of life they will encounter in the future is very realistic so that minds will be prepared and expected information given.
With the advent of cheap means of communication and internet facilities, it is required that for intending couples who cannot enjoy the convenience of face to face talk, that they should use these media. It is important that they must agree on these issues for the marriage to be successful.
The issues to talk about apart from the immediate need of preparing for the wedding itself, will include things that will be part of their lives together. Definitely these issues will be encountered in days, weeks, months and years down their married life. They are therefore common, because they happen in all marriages and futuristic because they are not there before the marriage is contracted.
The list that I have here is not exclusive and is not in any order of priority, so you can add as many issues as you may consider important to you, but insist on resolving gray areas when such issues are discussed.

1. Finance: Determine how you earn your income and how the money will be spent. What percentage of the individual earnings will be added into the pool for taking care of the home, and for joint investment and other responsibilities? There are cases where financial management of the home will tear marriages apart even at the start if not well managed.
2. Career: The kind of work you do before the marriage may no longer be permissible after the marriage. If you have a career that you love and would like to develop, will your spouse allow you to go ahead with this dream of yours after the wedding? Will your husband for instance allow you to continue your job as a hotelier after the marriage without thinking of the stigma attached to the profession that you earned a university degree on? My sister was not allowed to practice her nursing profession because her husband could not bear his wife caring for other men ‘under the pretense that they are sick’. She spent the rest of her life as a professional misfit. It is so unfortunate.
3. Residence: Where will you live after the wedding? Will you be comfortable in the type of accommodation that he will be providing or you have a better option, and will pride allow him to take a better accommodation provided by you, his wife? I know of a man in my church that needed the intervention of a priest to move from a rented apartment to a house that was bought by his own wife, just because of pride. How could it be that he will be the one to move to his wife’s apartment and not the other way round?
4. Chores: Yes, house chores. Fathers have done great deals in this generation by teaching their daughters how to earn money and win breads too; but our mother have not taught their sons how to make good meals. The saying that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, is no longer true these day. Even if it starts there, it should not end there. So if the man is too busy to attend to chores in the house or lend a hand in doing this, then he should help provide hands to do this.
5. Children: As simple as it seem, there are marriages that cannot survive just five years without a child. Then talk of the number of children that you will have in the marriage. Some women who had in mind (not discussed with their spouses) of having four children are compelled to have as many as ten children because they have not satisfied the number of children that their husbands will be ok with. Even four children that has become very popular with some women, could be offensive to some men who found it very difficult surviving from a large family. As you settle for a specific number of children that you can bring up very well, it is necessary to agree on the sex possibilities: assuming you had agree that you will have just four, and they are all females or males, will that be acceptable?
6. Heath Matters: Discuss about your health history and challenges. It is unfortunate that intending couple are carried away that they do not want to find out how healthy ‘their would be spouses’ are. A friend lost her husband, she woke up in the morning to see him stone dead on his bed, she never knew that her husband had a terminal disease. She was more surprised when the mother-in-law did not show any of such shocks as she expected. Her mother-in-law was the one who was astonished that Jane did not know that her husband had such a problem.
7. Likes and Dislikes: Some will tell you that it will be better to talk about the likes and dislike when you start living together, then you will know about what you want and what you do not want. I never love wearing ceremonial uniforms (Aso-ebi), even on my traditional marriage day I did not wear one. Myself and my wife wore the same colour though, but not the same material for that was the far that I could go. Find out your likes and dislikes at the earliest time, so that you will be able to cope with one another. I know of friends who cannot eat food that are not steamy hot: and another who cannot eat any food that is not dead cold.
8. Former Relationships: Please sincerely discuss your past relationships. Who were your boyfriends or girlfriends and as many as you were involved with. What led to the break-ups? Do not forget the lessons that you leant from the relationship. This will help you learn more about your spouses, whatever had caused a break-up in a former relationship will definitely cause heartbreak in marriage. Your talking about your past relationships will also build trust in the new relationship, because you will be willing to leave any ex that you have discussed with your intending spouse than those ones that you have not unveiled. After all, such friends will make up your wedding guests and you will be able to explain those exceptional gift items when you open your packs.
9. Family Attachment: We are all products of various families. Within the family where we belong to, there are our family members that are our favorites and matters concerning them are not taken lightly. Your spouse to be should be told in detail those people who make up your family and their mannerisms. How you cope with relating with them. This will help you avoid offenses that are not directly from both of you but from family members.
10. Religious Affiliations: Some fellows will go a great length to drag you away from the things that you do for your love for God and the things that concern God. So have you found out what is the relationship (s)he has with God? Will you need to drag your spouse to church on Sunday or rather walk hand in hand to Church? Do not think that bearing a Christian name is it. There are people out there who will stop at nothing to drag you out of God’s presence.
11. Conflict Resolution: Conflicts and their resolution are not for Iraq and Iran only. There is conflict in marriage and there will be a need to develop channels of resolutions when such conflicts rear their ugly heads. The way people will act when they are distressed is a good point of discussion. Reactions that might seem normal to some people; to others are abnormal. And if not properly handled, one will be wondering whether there are other issues beyond the one that they are narrating because the reaction will be seen to be above board.
12. Hopes and Aspirations: What do you expect to achieve in the marriage and in living together as man and wife? This is the reason why there are cases of spouses getting separations, divorce or even murders in marriages. Some go into marriages with over blotted expectations and interests and when they are not met, disappointments, misery and frustrations set in. Other issues that are related to this are fears; there should not be any need to pretend about it, there are things that we will never stand happening to ours. Let there be discussions on this too.
13. Childhood Development: How much of the life of the person that you are getting married to do you know? Please discuss your past lives in detail, ask questions on the period that is not mentioned in the discussion, they may be the cloudy period. Demand for explanation for every month and year. Ones growing up affect ones adult life, so leave no chance in asking for details. Some people who grew up in lack are always misery in their adult homes no matter what resources are available to them.
    Make effort to use every information that comes out of these discussions. It is definite that they will form part of your lives together as husband and wife.